Mr. Bobby & Mr. Gucci <3

Sunday, November 30, 2008

1:58 AM

i just need to calm myself down.
sleeping alone ain't no any big deal.
afterall, i m always alone....

but why this time it hurts more than usual.
the moment i close my eyes,
its all scenes of u jumping out of the window, crying for help.
and worst come to worst, it was having a downpour.
baby, that hurts, am i right to say that?
OR
do i have the rights to even say that?

对不起。
我还不想忘记你所以会想你。。
因为，是我笨笨的把你还死的。。
叫我该如何忘记你，忘记是我害死你的。。
不是我不想忘记你，而是我办不到。。

when can i eever fall asleep without using my tears to bring me to bed?

&the beauty.

12:51 AM

if only..
fireworks last.

but if it were to last,
will we even find it so amazing/WOW/fantasy?

happy moment never once last,
cause if it were to last,
you wouldn't learm to cherish it.

afterall..
i m just A esther..

♥ being random

&the beauty.

6:24 PM

i m fading aaway yet no one ever notice it.

&the beauty.

11:17 PM

met up with dys to np for late lunch. and as usual, she take some pic even before i start eating. -__________- i had unagi while she had salmon. then randomly ask her to come my house to surf the net. so on both notebook, one for me and another one for me. HEHEHE! so we dont have to share. then sent her off back to zoo. *giggles*

maybe next tue i shall meet dys at town for a haircut! its time to cut my stupid hair. LOL! i love tueday. my dating day with dys! ;P

no more motivation to work in cathay anymore..
no more that kind of impulse to work either...

ときどきあなたがいなくて残念に思って私が静めて、あなたのキスしたくなるような毛皮と全部、あなたが知っていさえしています？

&the beauty.

12:53 AM

I gave you all you desired

All that you needed

Boy, I provided

I let you into my head

Into my bed

And that's a privilege

I had you back at the answers

You took the dollars

I took the chances

Defended, battled and fought

Cuz I really tought you loved me

I don't know where to start or where to stop

No, but I know I am done

I've had enough

&the beauty.

11:40 PM

"Esther, from what i see she's a workaholic.BUT she never fails to meet up with her friends and family when she's not working.yeah, its fair enough so to speak.her life changed drastically after a so called mid-life crisis occuredyeah, its spelled Drastically with a capital D.D for Daren :D < see its a D < see its a D < see its a D.okay anyway.I was there with her during that day. It was raining; clearly.her face immediately changed from sky high to drop dead.but if you want me to sum up with 3 words from this experience, it goes "LIFE GOES ON.... YEAH..."okay, 4 words. "

shit you, daren chan.
you love to see me emo, thats it.
& i hate you so much for wearing that black tee out everytime when we meet and say that its cause of me that u buy it.
& i hate you so much for always asking me not to cry and always mention about stuffs that hurt me TOTALLY.
& i hate you so much for constantly reminding me of what happened THAT day.

but out of all this, i still love u as much as i love anyone. (:

because...
after that crisis, you keep me accompany whenever i need someone.
and.............
i cnt wait for christmas party at ur house!
(:

----THE END OF DAREN CHAN---

i dono what should i do then i can abandon those memories i had..

everything change for the better alrdy but i stil cant forget a single bits of it. i still remember how dad used to gan my mother.. i still remember waiting for my parents to fetch me home from childcare when everyone has alrdy went home.. i still remember eating outside food daily.. i still remember taking sch bus home when all my friends had their parents to fetch them home... i still remember even more worst thing....

BUT,
i got the sweeetest you with me for 1000days before.
my Mr. Bobdog. (:

BUT,
......................
......................
......................

---THE END OF MY RUBBISH---

sometimes i wonder, m i a rubbish woman?
everything i say seems to be rubbish!
damn it.

toodles.

&the beauty.

2:04 AM

ESTHER IS VERY HAPPY OKAYYYYYYYYY..............

dono why.. today is a good day for me.. xD

firstly, i got A for my c# lab test 1.
am really happy to know that i got A.
joy of happinessss.
like i didnt even expected an A but whee, i got it.
ESTHER LIANG GOT IT!!!
ESTHER LIANG IS SO LUCKY TO GOTTA AN A.... ;P
c#, no longer seems diffcult to me anymore..
but... i hope i will continue to get A for my next lab test and so on..

secondly, PD lecturer asked me what kind of person i am.
so i chose, "always depend others for answer. doubt own ability."
then he ask me is it because i got no confidence? and i guess so.
but anway!
he share with the class something about me.
he say among the class, i make the most improvement. ;P
HEHEHEE!
cause the first time he saw me, he think alamak..
but now, he can see alertness in me and he think i improve by ALOT...

thirdly, i got mystery shopper!!!!
and i passed!!
wahhh.. so happy..
cause i think i m retarded when i serve customer..
and my queue always so long..
and my hands are like my leg -.-
and my one customer can be yw 3 customeer.
lolx.
and the mystery shoopper even write, esther is helpful ;P
and yea, i m happy la!
cause got praised by someone i dono..

fourthly, someone say i m quite sweet ;P
a very random sentence.
but i told him if he were to be in my class, he wouldnt think so. -.-
my true self is violent!!!!!!!!!

its amazing at how all these small things manage to make my day.
XD

believe in sunshine after rain.

and it certainly will be sunshine after rain ;P

&the beauty.

3:53 PM

i swear this gona be an emo post.
leave if you cant take it.

现在正在下雨。。

现在是 3:55pm。。

好久，好久，没有这么早到家之从宝贝离开我。。

宝贝对我很好但我从不珍惜。。

他永远都在我身边如果我需要他。。

但自私的我，从没想过他会有需要我的时候。。

就因为我自私而间接的把我唯一最亲的宝贝给害死了。。

没有人知道，我也很痛苦。。

到现在，还是会想他想到哭几小时。。

尤其是下雨天，会令我特别想他。。

以前，梦想开狗店。。

但是，你离开我的时候，梦想开狗店也离开我了。。

你的离开，我不止失去你，也失去了我自己。。

今天回家的时候突然下大雨。。

不知不觉，眼泪就掉下来了。。

脚步也慢了很多。。

明明已抵达家楼下了，又不能回家。。

担心会有人在家而发现我哭了。。

等到眼睛已经不红了才回家。。

看到Mr. GUCCI, 不知不觉，就微笑了。。

不喜欢去人多的地方，不是因为很挤。。

而是因为在人多的地方，会显得我没朋友。。

不喜欢庆祝生日，不是因为我不想。。

而是不想在我生日那天，发现自己没朋友。。

不喜欢约人出去，不是因为我懒惰。。

而是...........................................

~~1k days.~~

afterall,

what may seems to be prefect, maybe not.

i do and always appear cheerful and that keeps me going. XD

and you?

&the beauty.

1:29 AM

maybe my blog is really my reflected area afterall..
let me reflect how dumb i am afterall.. ;P

sunday(:
work in the morning then went to find dys and tri for dinner at yishun area ;P dys brought us to a coffeeshop for western food. the fried rice is nice XD then we chit-chatted. hehehee! then dono why i wanted say downtown east become downtown earth -.-" then while walking, almost fall TWICE. and obviously, dys and tri laughed at me... as usual la! "SO TYPICAL OF THEM LOR." then we all buying FOX hoodiess.. hehehe! dys buying brown, tri buying red.. as for me.. either black or green ;P thn went pet shop. brought $80++ stuffs for my baobei again. i so in love with him <3

monday(:
fnet cancel but have makeup lesson. ZZZ! went to do project instead but think we chaatting lor! su even watching money not enough 2. hehehee! but i think we are all tired ba. oh ya, not forgetting, we even dapao wedges, nuggets and each a cup to blk L432. hehehee! then got china people come visit then su there waaving to them. lol! then home sweet home..

tue(:
bring laptop to school. then went to cisco.net try out my username and password again. still cant log in so called fnet teacher. THEN YOU KNOW WHY I CNT LOG IN ANOT?!? cause i actually so dumb that i went to the wrong website till qinguo tell me. -.-" ahhhhhhh. i must learn to be smarter!!! and i believe i will. ;P btw, qg brought me a hp pouch. hehee! but its green then ask him wat color is it cause he abit colorblind ;X but he manage to tell me its green la.. then use it lor.. but still prefer the one i buy for myself T_T then after sch, meet oyl. WAH.. thanks to him.... my fnet.. hehehehee :) so happy k.. then wh came to meet us shortly then we went to amk hub to watch mada... then went for staff meeting.. and i got a lion hp chain la!!! thanks to glen lor. i actually have zebra thn i went to him say i wan lion and he give me his.. hehee! so love the lion lor.. thn went dinner with oyl, wh and sebastian at s11. oyl tell us alot of stories at cineplex cathay. all so OMG.. freaking shock lor! eeeee.. thn home sweet home and lucky sebastian went to 7-11 buy things cause i freaking forgotten all about my notebook -.-" sometimes i really wonder.... am i retarded or what.... and this time round, home sweet home ;P

do i look cheerful on the surface?
and damn emo on blog?
so which is my true feeling?
even i, myself, also dono the ans lor.

&the beauty.

10:08 PM

my life is in a fucking mess.
thats all i can say.

chhheeeebye.

i tell you arh,
i seriously wish i get bang down by a speeding car tmr.

mummy so poor thing. ):

meed constant care always but i cnt give her that.

neither can anyone do that.

i dono what to do.

seeing her like this, make me vexed.

&the beauty.

1:46 AM

to quit cathay or to not?

been thinking of this qns for quite a few days.
cant seems to settle down with an answer.
sickening. -.-"

i dono what i want.
be it in ANYTHING.
):

&the beauty.

12:33 AM

HELLO! XD

few days ago wasnt in the mood to blog thus, didnt manage to blog anything. but well, i guess things are all back to normal now? welll.. at least i hope so..

lam is really a very good friend to me!!! even though we dont always sms, msn or talk on the phone but hor... i really can feel free to tell him anything lor.. hehehhehe.. i like lam ;P aas a frienndddddddddd.

1o nov;
went hospital visited mum. she looked so old out of a sudden. maybe i didnt realise, as i grow old, my mum grow old too.... then home sweet home.

11 nov;
went pepper lunch after sch then went hospital visit mum again. she seems to be better already. lol. thn went ajisen for dinner and home sweet home. and novena ajisen suck to the max. why? oh, cause the soft shell crab is freaking hard and i bet they kp it for a long time and the flour they used, should be or must be some cheapo brand cause it tasted like SHIT. well, i guess i have the rights to complain cause i freaking pay $8.90 for such a soft shell crab. and the prawn mayo.. oh my... the prawn is like so much smaller than my mouth....... ))x but well, i didnt complain there but i certainly complain in my heart! >
12 nov;
went pepper lunch again. lol! yes, i love pepper lunch. ;P mervin gave me chocolate as my bday gift. lolx! and he treated me caramel ice cream too. so not what normal mervin will do. =/ then su and cindy came my hse to seeeee gucci.. OH YA!! not forgetting tat, cindy brought me a small cake!! ah... but not strawberry sweetheart ))= but still, i love you la XD thn went hosp visit mum again. then told her i not going hosp anymore. need to work then she ask me not to overwork. lolx. then went novena foodcourt eat and home sweet home and i brought 2 shorts!!! (=

13nov;
PREDICTION!!!
morning go to class and went to work after sch and burn midnight oil. FULLSTOP.

and can i complain like again?!
dad is so irritating!!!! >:
and i cnt stand his stupid beeer smell whenever hes back..
no wonder...
i always force myself to sleep before hes back but sometimes.....
there just aint any mood for me to sleep -.-
sometimes i really wonder............
will my life be better if i had no daddy?
at least.. i wouldnt need to smell any beer or smoke smell.

gucci trying hard to kiss me. xD

&the beauty.

8:35 PM

好想。。。好想。。。好想。。。
跟正常人一样。。。
不过，天生笨。。。
每次，走不到100步，就必定跌倒。。。
有时，当我快抵达第100步时，感到有成就感时，就不小心，跌倒了。。。
我想，我真的很笨吧。。。

~~missing my baby bob, once again.~~

&the beauty.

9:38 AM

hello (=

anyway.. everything is going well in my liife..
like school work.....
esp. c# (:
feel kind of relieve to know that i m able to cope my c# far more better now. and hope i will continue to work hard and get my dip in EI after three year.
whhee*
and be part of the working class..
and get marry with my another half. *blush*
and eventually, DIE. -.-"

i m such a selfish ass la. )=
everything i do, seems to be so selfish.
can someone pls help me out?
i know what i m doing is wrong,
yet i keep doing it. )=
i feel...
like a selfish shit.

I wanted you to be there when I fall

I wanted you to see me through it all

I wanted you to be the one I love

I wanted you, I wanted you

I wanted you to hold me in my sleep

I wanted you to show me what I need

I wanted you to know just how down deep

I wanted you, I wanted you, yeah

three years just passsed like this..

do i still like you or...

liking you become a habit which i find it hard to quit?

but sometimes, it seems like i m out of ur life COMPLETELY..

and that certainly hurt. >:

oh manzx!

*pout*

i want to live in a world free of trouble, emotions and all.

which is really hard to acheive it.

so just carry on with my life happily.

&the beauty.

5:32 PM

我最爱的: Mr. Gucci (:

一切，都快结束了。

因为我说的那些话，他好像好在意的样子。。

我只能说，对不起。

&the beauty.