Mr. Bobby & Mr. Gucci <3

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

12:13 AM

i still miss him greatly. tears is still my best friend after so long. words just cant describle how i feel. emo doesnt help anymore. in fact, i nv emo cause i always have the accompany of julia, qm and ms. (: felt kinda glad and happpy. maybe my life just need EI0805, qm, ju and meisen afterall. my new world after baby bob leave me.

yes, i admit i m such a sore loser. ):
and i seriously hate myself now.

i m tired of slacking but i will persist in slacking.
i wana excel in slacking.
HAHA. stupid Esther.

loving baby bob (:

&the beauty.

2:07 PM

i m using my photoshop skill! XD thou still suck so much but at least, i m using it thus it will be much more btr soon! =p loving this picture so much. seems like we both thinking of each other so much can? (: aww, loving bobdog more and more. hehehe!

decided on certain things. since my mindset has change, i decided to go with my mindset. no means no, yes means yes. don wana stay in contact means don wana stay in contact. i guess bob is the one manipulating my mind. but i believe aanything he chose for me, will be the best. so sorry if u realise i have change. (: i wana work hard and study hard for baby bob. mayb its too late for me to invent the so called "nv die" pills ,alrdy but i wana excel in some others stuff and do baby bob proud. hes stil with me, mentally. i believe, i do believe. he will nv leave me cause he just love me way too much. sound kinda insane but believe me when i say baby bob is still ard. okay?

i love sitting down at my house downstair and think of bob. been 11 days since he passed away. but his smell still linger ard my nose. HEHE! i used to hate cat but ytd i saw this cat behaviour which is like a dog, i wanted so much to touch it. but i didnt instead, i break down. and it was looking at me instead of leaving me. i really can feel tt it can feel how i feel and it also saw baby bob just beside me. ytd wasnt a great day afterall. i couldnt slp in the night and i kp thinking of baby bob. i look down from the window where he jumped down and bla bla bla. i think i really love baby bob alot. ): mayb one day i shld tell mum and dad i love them and just go end my life cause life w/o him is making me so miserable. mayb i shld just jump from the window too afterall, i would die cause i didnt know how to land whereby bob knows but still, he broke all his limps.

and kerlise wallpaper aint bob anymore. ): mayb she forgotten about bob. how could she... bob been slping with us for 3 whole yr. we always kiss bob the first thing we are awake. i dono about win.. dad is the worst. he didnt even give that sad face knowing bob has passed away. and about mum, i got nothing to say. home is not a home anymore. i m all alone now. all alone doing all my things. all alone thinking of him. all alone thinking ways to sucide. everything all alone.

mayb all my life,

i only need bob, money, and nothing else.

tts all and i feel contended. (:

i m going east coast with baby boob soon! :)

wheeeeeeeeeeeee.

mayb thur gonna go since its public holiday.

bring him for a swim and sun tan.

lets see when i m free enough then.

BYE, baby bob. (:

&the beauty.

1:38 AM

i wana turn back the clock B-A-D-L-Y.
oh, but why cant i?
why cant i?
WHY CANT I?
life is a boring fuck shit.
may god bless me to get hit by a speeding car or to smash by some unknown weapon when i walk pass unknown ppl's window or someone pushinng me down from 5th storey in a siao state.

i hate blk 868.
i mean it.

let me die soon cause life is a real boring shit nowadays!~

&the beauty.

3:02 PM

i cant live without bobby.

i still do miss him. ):

this bear is my bob wanabe.

i need him to be beside me if not, i couldnt get to sleep.

mayb this bear name will be bobwanabe!! (:

and he got baby bob smell.

mayb cause of the lash, i think.

but i m loving it so much.

just like bob is once again, at my side. (:

okok. let me tell you some stupid things.

ker kp forgetting to take out her house key from the hse door.

for two time.

and i thot it was bob cause he wanted to be home so much.

but sis told me she forgotten to take out.

mum ask ppl to come my hse and fix lights and all.

and she told me our hse gonna be beautiful soon.

but all in my mind was, bob is not here to witness it.

sometimes, some things, u nv go notice till they are gone.

yahoo.com, those pictures of shih tzu look so cute.

remind me of babybob. (:

do you knw tt they even sell dogs' bed?

i shldnt have put bob to slp..

i shld just get him the bed and let him lie there and xi shen some of my time just to accompany him.

if self abuse can make me forget him..

if tears can bring him back..

if................................................................

&the beauty.

6:07 PM

sometimes, its like, i think i change alot ever since bobs' death.
and i stil miss him deeply. i always feel like crying when i saw mum, dad, sister, eug, gladys and bobs' photo. dont ask me why gladys and eugene is inside cause i dont know. my mind is ultra weird. it kp asking me to avoid eugene. mayb because seeing eug will bring back some flashback thus it ask me not to seee him. maybe because he told me he love bob too and so, it make me think of bob when seeing him. but i just wana say sorry to those i mention above. a big sorry. ): i lose the courage to talk to you guys... i doubt i can ever get that courage back unless bob return to my side again.

friday. went home damn early. weird yo? was suppose to meet the usual for dinner but somethings, or rather mood just didnt wana go. instead went home. saw mum halfway when walking home. was thinking whether to shout for her or not. think for quite awhile then i shout for her and she waited for me. we walk home tgt and i swear i wana cry. but of coz i didnt cause if i did cry, she gonna nag again. feeling damn terrible okay! sometimes, i really wana talk to mum cause shes old afterall. i scare she might just leave me just like how bob leave me. i might just go mad. bobs' death alrdy make me feel insane. ):

anyway, teaering seems to be my hobby now. even though i stil can joke with ppl but when i get alone, i tend to get emo like shit or tear like fuck. i really wish bob to be with me once again. i promise, i would treat him like god. but he will nv be back.......

i love you.
i always say you will never die.
i thot u wouldnt die too cause u love me too.
but your death is actually cause by me.
how can i indirectly kill someone i actually love so much?
at the rate i m missing you, i m losing myself and i m going insane.
i swear, i am.

&the beauty.

11:02 PM

sigh sigh sigh.

how can i forget bob when i m walking the "lane" where he jump down everyday?
i lose the courage to go home...
i lose the courage to talk about bobdog..
i lose the courage to do alot of things..

frankly speaking, i really love him alot.. till the extent of losing myself soon. i must be mad. bob is just a dog. but i just cant forget him now. i m like, tearing everyday for him. raining days remind me of how he died. i hate raining days and going home. ); i know i sound like a loser but none can comprehend how wreck i feel. its just like, u losing something which u nv want to lose. something which u love deeply and the cause of it to leave you, was partly ur fault.

daddy dotes on me alot.
he knw i m feeling sad and kp asking me to accompany him for dinner but i kp rejecting but went to eat with him today. can see hes happpppy but on other side, i stil cant bring myself to face mum. i didnt blame mum for bob`s death, instead i blame myself. but i dont see why i shld talk to mum when bob aint here anymore.. she only kp asking me not to be sad and all but why cant she understand tt i need time? i alrdy tried my best to hold back my emotion when i m in the hse but sometimes, flashback just suddenly flash pass my mind and yep, i m tearing. i m afterall not yet 18 yet. she just cant understand me. ):

at least i didnt wan bob to leave me now.
CAUSE I REALLY NEED HIM.
i m into kick boxing nw.
actually if bob nv die, i wouldnt even thot of joining kick box.
i join kick box to kp my mind occupied and so i can dont go home so early and to make myself tired but somehow, bob just appear when i m once alone.

baby bob,

i miss hugging you.

i miss kissing you.

when are you coming back to me?

cause i really need you more than i think i do.

i m losing myself,

i m going insane.

can u just let me hug you for one more time?

i aint no greedy. just one more time,

and i wont tear for you anymore.

ilu, babybob. (:

and i need you badly.

&the beauty.

12:23 AM

raining days let me think of you.
ochard road let me think of you.
tell me, how u expect me to forget you and endure all these pain alone? ):

prehaps forever just dont exist.
home is not a home without you.
i hate everything so much nowadays.
gonna kp myself busy so to not to think so much of u.

oh, i miss you so damn much.
pls, come back to me.
if only....
tears can bring you back.

&the beauty.

10:08 PM

this two pic shld be the ast pic of baby bob alrdy. the second one was taken when he has alrdy been put to sleep. saw tt blue colour "cloth" wrapping at his tiny leg there? tts the place they inject the put to sleep jab on him. aww, must be hurting i bet. why will this kind of thing happen to my lil precious baby bob? hes so kind, so cute and all. i really hope he will be human in his next lifetime. being a dog is wayy too unfair to him. i really miss him loads. i really wish to hug him one more time and tell im everything i feel from my heart but i just couldnt. can he be back at my side once again? i really cant live without him. i m crying once i m alone. holding back my tears is hard. i cant cry in front of my sisters, parents and friends. without bobby, i dun even feel like talking. those who were once close to me, i distance myself from them. i duno why... i just dun wan to talk to them for now. i m so sorry, gladys. ]: mayb i just didnt want to appear weak in front of them. or rather, i dont want them to mention about bobdog in front of me. without bobby, i m just a corpse. walking aimlessly... dono where i wanna head to... i m tired of crying but i miss him badly. i scaare i will forget him once i stop crying....... i dont wana forget him.. thats the last thing i ever want. i don like it when ppl touch bobs` thing. mum kp his bowl and i duno where she keep. i knw mum feel terrible also but i just cnt get myself to talk to her. like i say, bob is the connection of me to mum. now tt he isnt here, i dun feel like talking to her... sorry mummy. )):

and bobby, i missing you every seconds.

what about you?

cause i hope u thinking of me every seconds too. (:

big big love to you.

return back the love to me personally if you love me too.

&the beauty.

4:39 PM

i m back to blogging.
its raining heavily now.
remind me of bobby once again...
its ard the same time too but different date.

why must we have raining days?
i swear i hate raining days.

mayb time will heal everything but not for now.

i just rmb....

i forget to bring u out for a walk for a long time

i forget to bring you to sun tan.

i forget to feed u a big big portion of dinner.

ur dental green bone, chocolate and white bone is still at home.

faster come back and eat before i eat them up..

i mean it. you btr come back soon.

i got alot of things i havent done with you.

when are you coming back and do with me??

&the beauty.

1:17 PM

I love bobby. Sometimes I can hear his bell bell sound, as if he’s walking towards me. I think daddy look like bob dog. I wish I could go hug daddy and pretend its bobby. But its wishful thinking. Without bobby, I don’t even feel like talking to mummy/daddy/sisters. Without bobby, life is so meaningless. Why will i only learn to cherish bob only when he`s gone? WHY! W-H-Y! I cant hide it anymore. I need him more than i think i do even though i am still perfectly eating, walking and joking. Its hard trying to hold back my tears in front of certain people. Everyday emo at my house downstair aint a solution. But flashback of him jumping down just appear when i walk pass that big piece of grass. Words cant describle how i am feeling now. I wana die but i cant. I wish a car could just bang me down and proof, all my trouble gone. And bob is back with me again. (: so sweeeeeet. I can once feel his fur and kiss him again.

God, grant me my wish, will you?
End my pain, its hurting me way too much.

Baby bob, i always love you. Do u knw tt? And do u know tt i need you just like how those fishes need water? All i can do now is looking at ur photo and think back of the past. I miss you loads.

&the beauty.

12:47 PM

day 1.
sorry bobby. ): sorry bobbbby. i m so sorry. its all my fault. i am selfish. you love me so much but i only love you a lil bit. i always leave you alone at home when its raining. i am not with you when you need me yet ure with me when i need you. seriously, i miss you so much. keep having flashback of your dying scene nowadays. the scene where u tried licking my hand, trying to tell me how much you love me even when you are in great pain. did u jump down thinking tt i might be downstair only? i wish i could have you one more time, i promise, i will shower you with much much more care and love. but if only you allow me to do so. i couldnt slp for the whole night. tears just keep flowing out of my eyes. i just couldnt stop thinking of you. afterall, u accompany me for three god damn years alrdy. i nv keep my promise to you. i told you i will die with you if u leave me first, but i dont have the guts to do so. seriously, i wish i can just die now and accompany you. i miss you so much, i love you so much. i didnt have the chance to tell you but now, i wish you would knw that i actually love you alot. if only i can turn back the clock, it would be wonderful.

&the beauty.

9:06 PM

bob die at 16apr2008 at around 9:30pm.

i was there seeing him got put to sleep. just beside him, holding his hand, asking him don be afriad. and slowly, he stop breathing. he died peacefully at least even thou hes suffering. my heart hurt so much so much....

bob tried licking me even thou his 3 "legs" has alrdy broken. he can only move his head. he used his head to pamper my hand for the last duno how many mintues. i felt so uselessss. i cnt do anything to help him... i can only kiss him and ask him not to be afriad.. and soon, he leave me behind. i give him one last kiss and i went home bitter home.

i will love you forever, my lil precious bobdog.

ps: this might prolly be my last post and i am not closing thiss blog down. bye.

Coming into our lives with no obligations
Loving us for who we are
Loyal till the end of time
Always there when we're down
Bringing our sprits up when life seems hopeless
Only demanding love and care
And nothing more
Now that you're gone
I've got to learn to be strong
It is going to be hard
But i will try
Thanks for the memories
My love for you will never taper
Dedicated to bobby(2004-2008) and all dogs who lost their lives being the best they can be

&the beauty.

2:05 PM

i say E E I I 005.

dun be afriad, give it a try.

i say 0, u say 5.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo5!

my classssmates! ((= pardon my retard face, thanks!

btw, this is not my whole classs. stil got about 9 faces for ur too see? hehehe! 3 more yrs with them.. wonder if i m able to tahan anot? my class guys are girls. -.-" in a sense tt, they act like one. only eat in air-conditioner place and lazy to walk in the sun. SCREAM~

okok. i got nothing much to blog recently. life is just going to sch, pool, slack and home sweet home. but well, i m enjoying yet i m not. in a sense tt, by right, i love my life but by left, i feel that something is missing from the happiness i m having nw. u get it? doubt so cause even i dont get it but iya, i m enjoying larrrr. and i love my new laptop alot.......... thanks to nyp that i finally own a computer of my own. no doubt, i m loving nyp more... ((=

i m going out sooon. meet darling julia. =D we are going taka. wooooohoo. BYE! and is my new blog song nice? i love this song.

&the beauty.

10:37 PM

EI0805 girls! =D offically started lesson for poly. sad to say, i cant comprenhend what they teaching about. *scream* but i will try my best to understand. ((=

ok, i guess i m tired.. byeeeee!

&the beauty.

9:07 AM

hello.

firstly, my orientation are O-V-E-R.
thanks to those OGL who put in effort to bond EI0805.
really a big thank you! (i knw thy cant see but its hard to say ty to tthm in real life =/)
btw, my class is EI0805. ((=
ultra happy to be in this class, knw why?
i m not telling you why.
HAHA! no lar, because it comprise of my favourite number only lor.
3 days of orientation are ultra tiring. because at the end of third day, i slept from 8pm to 8am.
WOW~ i must be a pig in disguise.
next time thn show u all my real pig face. =p
btw, i love EI0805. ((=
hpe everyone feel the same toooo cause no matter what, we are to see each other for three whole yr.

friday, which is ytd, went back to NYP. to fix my bloody laptop which is in vain lar.. arghhhhh. wanted to swear so much but i decided not to. (= cause swearing is bad. stay there for quite a long time. waited for melvan ong and thn we make our way to RP to meet up with the gang. =D WOW. ytd RP got me, eug, azi, yw, mel, gladys, meisen, keith, kerlise. which is all ex-andersonians! =D ytd only a few from RP. and i love RP alot. as in, the fact that meisen is there. and thank keith. i love you so much! thanks for tt psp`s game. damn addicted to it alrdy. and pls have some faith in me lahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. thn thy went amk hub for dinner but i ps thm cause its my daddy`s birthday. woohooooooo. had crab, my favourite food. =D thn went home and i slp again. ._.

i hate you.

say until so nice u wouldnt say,

but in the end,

u told them.

have u forgotten that,

u told me u wouldnt tell anyone!?!?

no matter hw hard it gona be,

i will nt tell anyone anything ever again.

at least tt isnt smth to be proud of.

i tell you because i dunno who to tell,

but instead i rather feel scare at tt point of time.

i hate you,

to the point tt i dun wan u to be my friend anymore.

bye.... (=

&the beauty.

12:02 AM

i must stay happppppppy. ((=
this few days gonna be hard to endure.
i knw i knw, whats happening.
don wry, i will stay happppppy.
even thou sometimes tears just come out of no where, but tt doesnt mean i m emo.
mayb its tears of happiness?
know what?
the sweetest thing u told me also able to draw my tears.
i m suppose to be happy.
but hey, i m still happy larrrrrrrrrr.

if u realise, i m running, its means i m sad. ))=

HELLLLLLLLLLLLO EARTHLING.
& BYE.

&the beauty.

11:06 AM

went cityhall with wh and julia ytd afternoon. i swear, we went there to eat only. HAHA! as in, for my case. had tom yum soup and julia say i order wrongly alrdy as its almost all vegetable.. omg.. u knw what i hate the most? )= its those greenie looking and kinda tall food. but bo bian, stil have to eat. after eating, went bishan arcade and play bball and bishy bashy. bishy bashy is a money killer. i cnt seems to stop myself from playing. thn we went home. meet eug and dry bob at kkatib mrt station. and yes, thy went to my house. LLOL! dry bob brought mac to my hse and eat and was totally engross in tt channle 8, 9pm show. kinda effing sad tt its the last episode and i cant see su dingyi anymore. damn it. oh ya, eug is damn irritating. keep making i and bob. and i accidentally scolded him cheebye. wasnt on purpose! you knw, u are the last person whom i will say this kind of things in front of u. thn chase them out of my hse at ard 10pm.. thn bob and julia went home. so went to grab a bite with eugene. had hong kong style porridge. not tt nice but well, i will learn to love it lah. (: thn chit chat and send him to the bus stop and i went home for my pig sleep.

i m happy without knowing why. ((((((=
mayb cause of thai express.

&the beauty.

2:15 PM

i duno what to type today but i heard of some happy news lar. ((= i believe life is beautiful if u want it to be. and so, i m in love with thai express. bring me to thai express and i wil make you smile like a fool. ;D

i was delighted at the beginning but somehow,

i think u are scary.

))=

sry if i dun have a mindset of my own.

&the beauty.

8:42 AM

went celebrate sy`s bday ytd. ((= was suppose to go cine eat hk cafe but due to i and ms, the location was change to bishan. awwww, as u knw, we both dislike travelling. ate sakae sushi instead of hk cafe. )): didnt eaaaaaaat much as i m still having phobia for sushi. i bet the next time i eat sushi will be 2 years later. thanks ah. initally, Melvan was sitting with the group of girls but he went to join the guys when thy arrived. Melvan, we got so scary meh? and thanks for scratching me also. you bloody pi ku dong. ((= saw keith and the first thing that came to my mind was.............. did the action to him but i doubt he get what i m trying to say but cant tell him also so forget it. mo qi not good enough! thn the gang of girls left first, leaving those gang of weirdos there. ._. but we are waiting for them outside sakae sushi and thy took ultra long time to get out so we went off first. went arcade~ thn decided to go coffeebean slack. bitch alot, and i mean alot. HAHA. thn went home at ard 8plus as i wana watch my 9pm show. (: btw, i dont think i shld see ms that often! its like, vulgar words come out of my mouth whenever i sees her. ytd i talk like, fuck, knn, damn, cheebye. ._. must stop being so vulgar at times.

late in the night, anonymous called again. ;D i m so sorry if i let you rmb ur sad stuff. ]: and tt horny ass, was telling me about his horny dream. chat till i forget what time and i went to bed.
thn 5am receive one sms from ingredient. ._. he was shock tt i havent slp yet but actually i was.. half asleep those type. but only exchange a few sms as he wana slp too thn i slp till 7plus and got disturb by both my sister. grr..

can i make wishes here? *pretty pls*
1) wish ingredient will get good news later. ;D (thou he wun be seeing this but iya, help him wish lor.)
2) wish keith can get a gf in RP. ((=
3) wish Melvan and headquater last long.
4) wish aiai and xing get to study MDIS and of course, get a private dip. three years later.
5) wish ms to be happier. ((: (the fishball incident damnnn funny ;D)
6) wish eug and liwen will last long too. (this is not feng liang hua horrr.. i m serious!)
7) as for me, just grant me a nv die baby bob will do. [:

yup, i m done with my wishing. hpe those wishes do come true pls! cause thy are allll my close friends and i wish them to be happy. & byeeee.

&the beauty.

11:21 AM

somehow, i wish i m 18 soon! ;D
thn i can get my bike license thn dun have to take mrt/bus anymore. (=

poly life starting soon. havng to knw new friends again. damn effing fuck lor! dun even knw if i cn stay in my course for 3 yrs anot.. sian.. somehow, i dun wana get into nyp. i wana get into uhm, another poly instead. bet ingredient will be saying kei kei so much when chatting in msn actually stil wana get into that poly. HAHAA! but i doubt he read my blog lar. =p i bet not only i have tt kinda thinking lor.... (><) ok lar, forget it. ((=

ytd night sms anonymous. (= why i name him anonymous is because i wan him to be anonymous. HAHAHAHAHAA. no lar, i dun wan to take the risk to get bitch by someone or rather him to get hurt. iya, damn complicated lah but we are buddy larr. (= i love him so much as a buddy. HEHEE. as in, we will nv like each other lor! told him i wana meet up with him soon for lunch! ;D and he say okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. WHEEEEE~ i have so much to tell him or rather, i have so much to crap with him.

die liao. everyone i know can become buddy with me. how can i ever find a bf? ((= lucky i got baby bob lor! HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH.

btw, its april fools` day today. i cant feel anything. WOW.. today shld be an emo day for me but i cnt get emo -.- cheebye. fuck u. ))=

Think of it every second,

I can't get nothing done.

Only concern is the next time,

I'm 'gon get me some.

Know I should stay away from,

Cause it's no good for me.

I try and try but my obsession,

won't let me leave.

&the beauty.